Wednesday, January 14, 2009 at 9:00am | 62 Comments | 20 Recommendations

Love Rehab: The Dating Scene for Divorced Baby Boomers Ain’t No Better

By Black Power Staff

If I hear or read one more time how forty is the new 30 and fifty is the new 40, I think I'll strangle myself....


by Vivian Eison

If I had a buck every time the discussion surfaced with my girlfriends, I would be living large and laying back in one of Oprah’s jaw dropping digs. 

Women can’t help it.  It ranks up there with breathing and is beyond our control.  We must yap about it. The topic crosses racial, age, economic, career, political, religious, philosophical and regional divides.  Only a court gag order could shut down this obsession. We love chewing the fat about our men and relationships.  Good love! Bad love!  And that mediocre, up against the ropes, kind of love.  All women have a story to tell and don’t mind spilling the beans.  Women have an innate need to communicate, share and bond. Not to be confused with bitching, whining, plotting, complaining, running our mouths or talking trash.

 Breathe a sigh of relief if you are in a healthy, mature, emotionally stable, mentally stimulating, communicative, trustful, unselfish, spiritually compatible, sexually fulfilling or drama free relationship. Congratulations! Go in peace, I wish you well. This article is not for you.  But…if you are casting a wide net and coming up empty handed in the lovelorn infested dating pool or sleepwalking in a raggedy, oxygen sucking and low voltage relationship, your estrogen is all over this. WHERE IS THE LOVE? Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway sang about it back in the day. Fast forward forty years and many women are still scratching their heads.    

 Do you spend Friday nights alone curled up in bed in your fuzzy flannel pajamas  channel surfing or finishing off last month’s ESSENCE?   Are you hosting your own pity party as you devour a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s topped off with a couple of those big as your fist Pepperidge Farm milk chocolate macadamia cookies?   Are you habitually checking missed calls and voice messages hopeful for a close encounter with something that smells like a date?  Are you in a flat lined relationship and  lack backbone to dig the grave?  Is the price tag still attached to that hot dress you’ve been dying to wear for a night out on the town with someone other than your sister?  Do you break out your black arm band on Valentine’s Day? 

Does it put you in a funk when hooked up girlfriends go ga-ga about their fabulous gifts and cards? Do you feel like shouting, “Wake me when this crappy day is over!!!”  Are you sick and tired of going stag to holiday celebrations, birthday parties, restaurants, concerts and movies; and putting on the happy face? Do you hate responding to wedding reception RSVP’s? Have you convinced yourself it’s not that bad?  Have you asked yourself, “What’s wrong with me?”  Is this as good as it gets?  The answer may be yes. 

Today’s dating game is not for the weak hearted, sleep deprived or onion skinned cry babies. It is rough and tumble. Love connections are dicey. No one is bubble wrapped against hurt, rejection and pain. Finding “THE ONE” or “MR.RIGHT” is a slippery slope.  If the experiences aren’t positive, it can be an intimidating place where egos, emotions and self esteem get  tossed like a Caesar salad. My thirty one year old niece hasn’t dated in two years, and she put in bluntly, “I don’t even look anymore. It’s pretty bad out there. You don’t always get the full story. You get a lot of half truths.”

What in the world is going on OUT THERE?   Why is it so complicated?  Are you guilty of  occasionally stalking, doing night drive-bys,  sneaking a peak at his text messages and decoding cell phone passwords because you smelled a rat?  Does it take all this?   This is too much work!! If it is this challenging for younger women, can you imagine what it is like for the rest of us forty and fifty something divorced women scouring the landscape looking for single, available, unmarried, unattached, MONOGAMOUS  good men. God help us!!  Okay…SCOURING may be a bit of a stretch, but you know what I mean.   One piece of advice….be prepared to weather the storm and PULL UP YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES.

Sadly, there’s no post divorce dating boot camp to whip us into shape or dating for dummies  DVD to bail us out.  We are on our own and most of us don’t have a clue of what we are doing!  The rules of the game changed while we were changing diapers, fixing dinners, paying bills, cleaning  the house, doing laundry, helping with homework, breaking up sibling fights and driving our kids to doctor appointmens, sleepovers, mall runs and sports activities.  And along the way, many of us faded into the woodwork. We hid behind our responsibilities and rarely glanced in the mirror at ourselves.  UNTIL NOW!!   How do you get sexy back when you never knew you had it or forgot where you put it?  Reentry into the dating world, for me,  after 15 years of marriage was sobering, awkward and downright scary.  It takes a lot to trust someone with your heart again.  Some relationships were safe and gentle, while others stank up the room with mistrust.  I never dreamed, that at this time of my life, I would be back to square one. Dating relationships contaminated with deception, betrayal, lying, cheating, alibis and shenanigans have left many of us bitter, broken and gun shy. There are a lot of perps and bad actors running loose and taking names and not thinking twice about doing dirt.   

Having said all that, I want to make it clear that this is not yet another  victimization or male bashing pep rally. I know there are good men out there. I have the pleasure of being related to, being friends with, admiring and dating SOME. But, there’s not enough to go around.  And that’s where the trouble lies.  Are we so afraid to be alone and eager to be loved that we don’t think straight and compromise ourselves?  Why do we stay in relationships that have “run for the hills,” tattooed on it?  Have we become so desperate that we settle for toxic, dysfunctional and war torn relationships to get us over the hump until something better comes along?   

Why do we ignore red flags and gut instincts?  You know the feeling!! That, “SOMETHING JUST AIN’T RIGHT” force of nature that creeps into our subconscious , stirs up butterflies in our stomachs and raises internal radar screen suspicion.  Have you enlisted in a relationship that won’t allow you to call “your man’s” home phone number, go to his house, meet his relatives/friends  or expect more than an abbreviated visit on Christmas knowing that you deserve better? Have we tricked ourselves into believing that a piece of a man is better than no man at all?

 Why do we spend more time cruising the aisles at DSW for the right pair of shoes and trying on piles of lingerie at Victoria’s Secret than being selective about the type of men we choose to spend time with?  Well, SHAME ON US!!!  The clock is ticking.  We don’t have time to tolerate or subject ourselves to random acts of stupidity, nonsense and foolishness.  And yet, we operate as if we do. Light bulb moments have to happen now. We are at the mid point of our lives, if we’re lucky, and we don’t have another twenty years to goof off.  In addition, we can’t allow the media and our anti aging obsessed culture to pull the wool over our eyes.  If I hear or read one more time how forty is the new 30 and fifty is the new 40, I think I’ll strangle myself.  Guess what?  Fifty is the same fifty it always was!!  Don’t let Botox, collagen and a few nip and tucks fool you.  Just look at your birth certificate to give yourself a reality check.  If you remember hoola hoops, 8 track cassettes and watching  The Supremes  on the Ed Sullivan Show  welcome to the club.

So, what’s a woman to do if you are in a dating drought or on the dating treadmill?  STOP!!  It’s time to DETOX from this madness. Take a break, get quiet, exhale and think!!!   

LOVE REHAB may be our only hope.  It’s not a 12 step program for sexual addiction…but it is a state of mind.  A self imposed retreat to reassess, refocus and reclaim ourselves. Figuring out how to connect the dots can be a liberating thing.  Get to know YOU!!!  What are you all about?  Do you have a clean bill of emotional health?  Or are you still nursing open wounds?  Are you able to let go and move on? Or are you lugging  the past around like a ball and chain? It’s time to come clean and ask yourself the hard questions and stop dancing around the truth.  Examine your dating history. Have you learned anything from those axed relationships?  Or, are you a frequent flyer?  Bouncing to the next, before you have a chance to refuel? What kind of relationship do you need?   What values are you looking for in a man?  Do you have a clue?  Why aren’t you getting the love you deserve?  We need to take a critical look at ourselves and hold our feet to the fire.  We have to own our own impulsiveness, poor judgment and limp decision making as it relates to dating.

It’s time to stop feeling bad and mad and repeating the same mistakes over and over and over again. Love should feel good when we wear it.  It shouldn’t irritate us like that angora sweater that breaks us into hives. Wise up and take control of your love life! Recognize when you are beating your head against the wall.

My 23-year-old son, Kevin, told me, “Mom, if you have to excavate in a relationship because the  communication’s not flowing, then you are working too hard.” Sound advice from my oldest child who is wise beyond his years and speaks his mind.  We must envision the relationship we want, stick to it and rejoice in the journey. I also learned a valuable lesson from my son, Troy while he played high school football.  He had a strong work ethic and was highly motivated to reach his goals…but was often faced with challenges  and heartbreak of not getting adequate  playing time.  I am reminded of an inspirational saying given to him by his coaches, “Pain is inevitable….misery is optional.”

I choose to be happy and remain  hopeful during this journey.. 

Friday nights can be sweet after all.



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This story is filed under: Lifestyle

  • 1

    Welcome, my GREAT friend…what an excellent and entertaining piece, it has it all, from humor to sobering reality…readers here are in for a treat. You know, even us men need to read and heed…it’s rough out there, and not just for the ladies…

    > michael dunham

    Posted 01.14.09 at 10:43am PST
  • 2

    Every single or unattached person over 35 should be required to read this article. You said what a lot of people (male or female) are thinking & afraid to face. I laughed through a lot of the article because it’s all true. Unfortunately, so many people are easily misled and are looking for love so hard, they sometimes settle for DERELICTS.

    > Carl Elliott

    Posted 01.14.09 at 6:43pm PST
  • 3

    Great article Vivian. I’m still smiling, still laughing, still remembering how many times I found myself in this article.
    “To anyone who who hasn’t read this article yet”, don’t let the accompanying illustration fool you. This article has nothing to do with the angry white couple placed beside this article! “Love Rehab” is a very creative recipe filled with deliciously descriptive ingredients that highlight the many truths in love and relationships. Refreshingly funny!

    > BrendaG

    Posted 01.14.09 at 9:41pm PST
  • 4

    What an awesome article….you left no stone unturned. This outline is well-needed and one to be shared with many.

    God has blessed you with an amazing gift.

    Continue to be inspired.

    > Lola W

    Posted 01.15.09 at 4:46pm PST
  • 5

    Bravo Vivian, this article is marvelously insightful; poignant, without coming off preachy. At once a call to arms and a wake up call(depending on which side of the equation one may find themself). May your journey prove fruitful and fullfiling. Proud to be your friend. ps: this has the makings of an excellent book/screenplay… just a thought.

    > Christian

    Posted 01.16.09 at 2:11am PST
  • 6

    I didn’t know whether to cry, laugh or scream. So I did all of the above. I was thinking… “She’s talking about me!” This article was so real, brutally honest, comical and right on the money. Love Rehab is the best advice you can give a woman today! Thanks for writing this, and I look forward to reading more from you.

    > Dahlia W

    Posted 01.16.09 at 11:14am PST
  • 7

    What a fabulous article Viv. LOVE REHAB is for any woman who has experienced a relationship with a man and HIS baggage. You did an excellent job expressing that WE don’t have to carry HIS baggage and women should set high standards, live up to them and LOVE OURSELVES. Thanks for the wake up call and all the laughs. GOD BLESS YOU and your gift. Cousin Niece

    > Denise Barkley

    Posted 01.17.09 at 12:38pm PST
  • 8

    Hey Viv,

    Being a man…this was a very good piece. Only thing…those BIG BLOOMERS you were talking about? Lose them…that may help a little….grins

    Love ya

    Me

    > L Jackson

    Posted 01.18.09 at 1:15pm PST
  • 9

    Very good article. I really enjoyed it alot along with the comedy and humor of the age crisis. People need to stop frontin and represent their age. Job well done.

    > troy

    Posted 01.19.09 at 2:16pm PST
  • 10

    what a delightfully raw and humorous perspective you share with your readers on everyones favorite subject, relationships. you’ve managed to sum up our anxieties in a way that helps us see that the glass is half full.i think you could give Carrie Bradshaw a run for her money!

    > Connie M

    Posted 01.21.09 at 12:33am PST
  • 11

    Girrrrllllll! You hit the ball right out of the park and then ran all the bases with this article! Yes, it was funny and humorous but you didn’t stop there. The humor was just a way to get and hold our attention, then you got to the serious stuff about self reflection and self preservation. In the end we really can’t change anyone else, we only have the ability to change ourselves and our own perceptions. And yes, the journey can be hopeful and sweet! I’ve made that choice too. I agree you did give Carrie Bradshaw a run for ther money with this article! Congratulations Vivian!
    Candace Maffei

    > Candace Maffei

    Posted 01.21.09 at 6:01pm PST
  • 12

    Vivian, what a great piece. I loved it, you nailed it! Funny, truthful and well thought out. Must read for All….

    Can’t wait for your next article:)

    > Cornell

    Posted 01.22.09 at 10:02am PST
  • 13

    Vivian, this is a brilliant article. Very entertaining, amusing and true….every word of it. Looking forward to reading more of your articles soon.

    > Kim Ebert

    Posted 01.22.09 at 1:24pm PST
  • 14

    Viv E,as in EXCELLENT!!! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ BOUT!!! Only you can do what you do. Your vividly Viv piece, made me glad I’m not in touch with my feminine side,WHEW! Most folks won’t go where you go, but you “BEAT IT” hard like Michael Jackson alone on a Saturday night when Chucky Cheese is closed!
    This article is not only on point, it is the point! Honest,descriptive,provacative,infective, and any other “ive” one can come up with. I’ve always told you,that you have more skilllz than Puffy has dollar bills.
    Continue doing your best because you are the BEST!
    Can’t wait for your next article,KEEP IT REAL, KEEP IT RIGHT!!!

    > Bobby Ramos

    Posted 01.22.09 at 8:53pm PST
  • 15

    Dr. Eison,
    Humorist and Healer. This prescrption is good for men and women. Buried in the humor are some universal truths to help us find our authentic selves. What a gift!
    Hope to hear more from you.
    CJM

    > CJ Morgan

    Posted 01.22.09 at 9:12pm PST
  • 16

    Hi Viv –

    Excellent article, exceptional delivery! Your attention to detail is amazing, and creative expression; unmatched! Thank you for tackling the topic of relationships. Well done!

    Misery is intolerable : )

    > Karla

    Posted 01.22.09 at 10:39pm PST
  • 17

    LOOOOVE it!!!! Funny funny funny with a shot of truth!

    Wow, what a great read! I can relate… i had to put myself through “love Rehab” to finally find myself… and then true love.

    What i do know is that we must start with ourselves first, the “I”. After that, when we know who we are inside and out, and come to terms with our imperfections, we will let loose and attract all good things like a magnet.

    Thank you for a great read Viv! You are an inspiration to many, many women, including myself!

    Karen

    > Karen Barski

    Posted 01.23.09 at 7:54am PST
  • 18

    What a FABULOUS article! It made me laugh, it made me want to cry…it brought a rush of memories and feelings to the suface. You are a wonderful journalist! You certainly hit the nail on the head in just about every situation you discussed…if I didn’t know better I would have thought these words came from my own mouth. The advice to get to know one’s self before plunging into a new territory is certainly sound. If only more women would take that advice I think there would be less disfunction. As for the men…who knows! KEEP THESE GREAT ATICLES COMING!!

    > Angela T

    Posted 01.23.09 at 9:07am PST
  • 19

    I expected another male bashing, don’t take responsiblity for your own happiness, whoa is me, why did he do this to me, pity party. Instead you have placed the responsibility and accountabilty for satisfaction and happiness squarely on the shoulder of the individual exactly where it belongs.Great job!
    It also forced me to
    Do a bit of self examination in the midst of laughter.

    > Eric

    Posted 01.23.09 at 11:06am PST
  • 20

    Viv,

    Great article!I am sure that everyone who reads it can relate to some aspect of it. It is amazing how so many of us fail to exercise many of our options in life. We tend to play the hand that we are dealt without fully understanding the rules of the game. Then we get frustrated with the outcome. Keep on enlightening us!

    > Carolyn Vermont

    Posted 01.23.09 at 11:16am PST
  • 21

    So Viv have you ever thought about what guys go through trying to find a mate who is not scarred, or holding a grudge aginst all men. Life is tough, huh. . Maybe you can talk about what gals really say about us in those war room conversations . . .we need to know! Enjoyed your thoughts, keep it up . . . .looking forward to the next one! :)

    > Dj

    Posted 01.23.09 at 6:14pm PST
  • 22

    My Dearest Viviana
    You are hitting on something that is way over due on all levels dealing with realtionships! And making us take a good look at what do we really want? This will give many of us, “To make it do what it do Baby” If we dare to be honest with our selfs & others. I am so proud of you! Keep it coming Sistha Gurl Freind! I want to be inspired some more.

    > Sylvia Martin

    Posted 01.24.09 at 4:18pm PST
  • 23

    Hey Aunt Viv,
    Here’s to Macadamia cookies, flannel pajamas, and having the big girl panties to love yourself! Nice job.
    Love ya,
    Jamie

    > Jamie

    Posted 01.25.09 at 1:14pm PST
  • 24

    HORRAY…Viv!!! Great Job. Your fabulous personality shines though your words. Great insight and humor regarding the single scene for the mature female. Here’s to “Love Rehab”, I wish all and more for every single, fabulous, mature female looking and hoping for a concrete relationship. Love Ya! Linda D.

    > Linda D.

    Posted 01.26.09 at 8:37am PST
  • 25

    Great article. I know a few women who can relate. Keep up the good work.

    > Tedd

    Posted 01.26.09 at 8:58am PST
  • 26

    Great article. I know a lot of women are looking for Love Rehab. Good topic.

    > Tedd

    Posted 01.26.09 at 9:00am PST
  • 27

    This is a great artical,funny,serious, and informative. I look forward to seeing what the author talks about from the mans perspective. P.S. readers get ready for the uncut truth about women!

    > RAY RAY

    Posted 01.26.09 at 9:31am PST
  • 28

    Viv,

    Hallelujah and “At Last” – “Love Rehab is much needed for the 60ish singles too (oooops the new 50s does sounds more encouraging). The older one gets, the harder it becomes to find romance is a definite, so I am passing this article around to my friends. Shoot….. we like our toes massaged too… by someone other than a paid professional. It’s good to know some help is on the way. Thanks.

    San

    > Sandra Lilly

    Posted 01.26.09 at 11:31am PST
  • 29

    Aunt Viv,

    This was very true and on point. Very crafty. I could not help laughing hard! Let’s all remember to love ourselves first!

    > Kyle

    Posted 01.26.09 at 3:19pm PST
  • 30

    Vivian-I think you hit the nail on the head with this one. We (women) have settled for less and have not taken the time out for ourselves. I think that’s a key factor in this whole story. We’ve all been there done that and now need to “do that”. Take care of ourselves and find the truth and happiness within, everything else will fall into place. Enjoyed reading this…great eye opener.

    > Michelle-Bpt

    Posted 01.26.09 at 3:47pm PST
  • 31

    Aunt Viv- I like the message you give BE REALISTIC! It’s OK to be alone and you have to be the perfect you before you can expect anyone else to see it. Your article is a refresing delight.

    Greatest Niece Ever!

    > The GREATEST NIECE EVER

    Posted 01.26.09 at 6:19pm PST
  • 32

    My Sister,
    well put,take your time,be still and God will send you what you need when you need it. I am so extremely proud of you.

    p.s.the seeds that you planted in your son’s have taken root!!!

    Luv you Brad

    > Brad Belcher

    Posted 01.27.09 at 9:41am PST
  • 33

    Hi Aunt Viv, I am a good friend of your nephew Kyle…great article!! The truth shall set you free honey!! Totally onpoint and very timely…I too was divorced after 15 years of marriage and can relate to EVERYTHING you said. Keep it coming!

    > T

    Posted 01.27.09 at 1:50pm PST
  • 34

    Hey Viv,
    Loved the article. Solid writing with insight. There are so many pieces out there with no take aways.Well your article provides take aways in a big way. Looks like you’re on the path to doing Life’s Work. Pursue and enjoy the journey

    > Jay Whitsett

    Posted 01.29.09 at 12:33pm PST
  • 35

    I took a deep breath in, then with a long slow exhale I experienced a rebirth in sisterhood. As only a true (friend) sister could put it with true sincerity and a genuine compassion for all women. The message was felt, profoundly intimate and extremely poignant. Thank you for your words of wisdom, they really hit home. Especially at the end where I found me again. We are all worth so much more.

    > Natasha

    Posted 01.29.09 at 5:39pm PST
  • 36

    WELL! Viviannnnnnnn, Say it again and again. Great job my sister, what a delight to read and relate in unselfish ways. Ladies and Gents take heed as our Sista spoke many truths. The back and forths of trying to understand someone else before understanding self. Looking forward to reading more. Keep it alive Amore..Love you Your Sister Forever!! Robyn Melvin-Waller Holla

    > Robyn Melvin-Waller

    Posted 01.29.09 at 8:54pm PST
  • 37

    My Sister Friend:

    Congratulations on a timely article.

    We are all on a journey, it is the destinaton and the path that we chose to take that determines the end result.
    Life is about choices, we can chose to be miserable or be happy with or without the “big cookie”.

    Keep up the good wook.

    Luv ya,
    Ginger

    > Ginger

    Posted 01.30.09 at 1:01pm PST
  • 38

    that’s why i left my fifth wife, cause she was runnin’ off at the mouth with all that blabbermouth stuff. don’t encourage this foolishness.

    > bookman

    Posted 01.30.09 at 6:55pm PST
  • 39

    sorry, guess i just need to heal.

    > bookman

    Posted 01.30.09 at 6:55pm PST
  • 40

    Hello Mr. Bookman -

    I can recommend a psychiatrist if you’d like…

    > Sam

    Posted 01.31.09 at 5:05pm PST
  • 41

    GREAT ARTICLE VIVIAN, EVERY WOMAN SHOULD READ THIS. YOU ARE THE REAL DEAL…TALK THE TALK AND WALK THE WALK..PAT YOURSELF ON THE BACK FOR A JOB WELL DONE.TWO MORE AND YOU ARE READY TO WRITE A SCREEN PLAY..TYLER PERRY WATCH YOUR BACK,SOME ONE ELSE IS ON YOUR HEALS.SHE IS TELLING THE TRUTH AND MEAN EVERY WORD..LANNY

    > lanise hughes

    Posted 02.03.09 at 2:37pm PST
  • 42

    THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to respond to my first baby,”LOVE REHAB.” I am inspired by your support and kind words. It reinforces how much we are all alike. Second article in progress!!

    > Vivian Eison

    Posted 02.03.09 at 3:33pm PST
  • 43

    A very energetic article. There is a message here for everyone whether it is Love Rehab, or relationships in general. No axe to grind; thoughtful and straight from the heart. Continue to be guided by wherever the spirit leads you.

    > Ron

    Posted 02.05.09 at 10:14am PST
  • 44

    Vivian,your skills in writing far exceeds some of the best journalistic talent out there dealing with the “ins” and “outs” of relationships in the 21st century. It also reflects the down-to-earth,”lets keep it real”, humorous but on a serious note, personality you are so well known for by family and friends. Excellent!

    > Wandra

    Posted 02.05.09 at 10:50am PST
  • 45

    This was a great article and I agree with majority of what was said.Sometimes , I think women are have too much expectation. And as you know , expectation is a resentment waiting to happen.

    Viv,I am truly looking forward to your next article.

    Don’t get me wrong,I love you sisters.But hopefully , you will write about how most black women are over weight and don’t dress well.And how the pickings are slim to find a sister without false hair.

    > Roger McKenzie

    Posted 02.06.09 at 5:15pm PST
  • 46

    I truly enjoyed this article and agree with most of what you said.I beleive sometimes the issue is expectations. Any you know , expectation is a resentment waiting to happen.

    Hopefully , you will write about the sisters with the false hair. And how most black women don’t dress or carry themself well.

    Don’t get me wrong , I love you sisters.But now a days,the picking is slim for sexy,all real,beautiful,healed and willing to share sisters.

    > Roger McKenzie

    Posted 02.06.09 at 5:26pm PST
  • 47

    I am very sorry and would like to apoligise for my previous comments. I really didn’t mean to hurt anyone’s feeling. Nor did I want to put down my black sisters.Black women, you are Gods gift to this earth and I love you.

    I only wish that I could take back what I said and delete it from this blog.
    I was trying to be humorious and to stur the pot.

    Once again , I am very sorry for my remarks.

    > Roger McKenzie

    Posted 02.07.09 at 7:00am PST
  • 48

    I identify with this piece on so many levels, and sometimes it seems as if there is no end in sight. This article hits the spot. It targets many issues we face, while adding with a humorous mix on what women need to keep in mind on our journey. No matter where you are on the relationship highway, this article is a must read!

    > Melanie J

    Posted 02.07.09 at 10:56am PST
  • 49

    This was a very insightful article..I enjoyed reading it and am looking forward to passing along to my friends!!1

    > Nikki T

    Posted 02.07.09 at 2:00pm PST
  • 50

    Vivian, what a great job so proud of you.
    Love Rehab! Thanks for “going there” in this article. And you sure kept it real about the “age” thing (40’s the new 30’s). I found this piece to be inspiring,funny,serious,and it makes you stop and think. Keep up the great work looking forward to more of your articles.

    > Shawna H

    Posted 02.08.09 at 9:29am PST
  • 51

    Good piece of writing. I see that you are seeking to mobilize an army of women to take up sword, shield, and spear against all lethargic and sluggish men everywhere. The message within the message is quite clear. DOWN WITH THOSE VAGABONDS! DOWN WITH THOSE SLUGGARDS! DOWN WITH MEN LEAVING ASS PRINTS IN YOUR NEWLY FURNISHED COUCH! WOMEN! LET US STOP CONGREGATING TOGETHER AT THAT “I am over 50 but I wanna’ front like I’m younger than that” CLUB!

    Yes…I see your ploy. I see your scheme. Very clever……..

    > Kevin

    Posted 02.08.09 at 1:31pm PST
  • 52

    Momma Eison,

    Your article is an inspiration to women of all ages, not just for those in their 50’s. Us younger women have struggles of our own, but the idea that one has to look inside themselves first before they can come together with another, or before they complain about the person they are with applies accross all barriers, as you said. However, I am also glad to say (thanks to you) that I don’t directly relate to this article, because as you already know, I have a good man that I intend to hold on to. Keep on writitng and I look forward to reading more

    Love, Nicole

    > Nicole Sutherland

    Posted 02.08.09 at 1:50pm PST
  • 53

    Hey Viv
    Sooo funny, so true!
    A wonderfully insightful article!
    It was not until I took an honest inventory of
    ME (and all the unhealed parts from childhood)and got real clear about the kind of man I wanted, did he show up….and show up he did!
    I look to him for nothing and he gives me
    everything in return.
    Cheers to you!, Neci

    > Neci

    Posted 02.12.09 at 10:04pm PST
  • 54

    no thanks sam,

    i’m actually a licensed psychiatrist myself.

    > bookman

    Posted 02.12.09 at 10:57pm PST
  • 55

    Hello Viv,
    Congrats on the article you are truly gifted. The article was perfect for todays woman, there are so many of us in each of the situations you mentioned and need to hear the truth we must face. Let us all embrace who we are no matter our age and move forward. Keep up the good work looking forward to reading more from you. Blessings

    > Kimberly Lopes-Walker

    Posted 02.16.09 at 6:26pm PST
  • 56

    I have a couple of girlfriends who REALLY need to read this.

    Great piece!

    > p1tey1

    Posted 02.18.09 at 1:27am PST
  • 57

    If a thirty year old hasn’t dated for two years, what hope do 40’s and 50’s have? Most men I encounter are looking for young women, but will date an older woman only if she is wealthy. I reunited with an old flame from high school who was divorced twice, we had one date and the only time he sounded excited was when he asked me three times if I had money. He e-mailed me for several months, never following through on a promised second date, but he had the nerve to ask me for money to help him out even though his son is an attorney and I am a retiree trying to make ends meet. I finally told him not to contact me any longer. Being alone sounds better and better than putting time and effort into dating.
    None of my financially secure single female friends date, they don’t want the problems of dealing with a man who might prove to be dishonest and then have to struggle with possible emotional, financial, and health consequences from the relationship.

    > divi-divi

    Posted 02.21.09 at 9:43pm PST
  • 58

    I can not wait for the book,THE PLAY,the movie amd the sequel. You have the blueprint for a dynaMIC SCREENPLAY. The concept is original and creative with a whle lotta you in there. On paraphrasing our current Attorney General we have become a nation of cowards when it comes to honestly talking about relationships. You my dear are a model of courage and I can not wait for your book signing at Borders.

    Peace and Love my Sister

    > Gerry Whitted GDUBB

    Posted 02.24.09 at 12:21pm PST
  • 59

    hEY rOG,

    yOUR WAFFLING WISHY WASHY STRADDLING THE FENCE LIKE A GIRL WITH A DRESS ON IS ONE OF THE REASONS SISTERS HAVE DIFFICULTY TRUSTING A BROTHER.I GUESS SOMEONE WITH A BACKBONE SOMRTHING YOU ARGUABLY DO NOT HAVE TOLD YOU A LIL SUMPIN SUMPIN. i WOULD HAVE HAD MORE RESPECT FOR YOUR STATEMENT IF YOU AT LEAST EXPLAINED WHY YOU FEEL THE WAY DO. aFTER ALL THESE ARE YOUR FEELINGS AND THEY SHOULD BE RESPECTED.STAND UP AND HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH SO MAYBE YOU CAN HEAR ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW AND POSSIBLY LEARN A VALUABLE LESSON ABUT OUR SISTER. bECAUSE IT IS PAINFULLY OBVIOUS YOUR EDUCATION CAME FROM UNDER THAT SAME ROCK YOU CRAWLED FROM. PEACE BROTHER GDUBB

    > GDUBB

    Posted 02.26.09 at 3:08am PST
  • 60

    Viv,
    You hit the nail on the head again. Great article. Interestingly, this actually happens to both sexes. Maybe not so much for men but it happens. I love the reality of the way you put it, right on target. Keep telling it like it is. You’re a great writer with a unique talent and perspective.

    > Jeff. (JT)

    Posted 04.06.09 at 2:22am PDT
  • 61

    Viv,
    That was great!!! I know Tyler Perry would love to get his hands on this for his next screen play. I know every woman related to something in this article, you are right on target. DON’T STOP HERE.
    Stay Blessed.

    > Grace H

    Posted 04.15.09 at 7:58pm PDT
  • 62

    Hi Viv!
    I will definitely share this article with my 30-something year old friends because this does apply to that age group too!! You truly have a gift!!

    > Anna

    Posted 04.15.09 at 8:08pm PDT

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