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Marriage is supposed to be a cherished union between a man and a woman, but it seems like many people today just see it as a destination and not a journey. I have a friend named Maria that has this crazy idea that she should be married by the age of 32-no matter what. If not, then she believes her life and childbearing years would have been squandered. I’m exaggerating slightly, but the woman is serious about her “need” to be married. In preparation for getting hitched by her ideal end date, Maria began instituting this silly zero tolerance two-three month rule regarding dating.

Basically, if after three months of courtship Maria’s current beau was not deemed marriage material or not into the idea of marriage happening within her personal timetable, he was to be immediately cut off and she’d move on to the next guy. Maria was so obsessed with the idea of being married that that she began this speed dating process when she was only 27. SMH. Needless to say, she turned 31 this past summer and is still nowhere near being the wife to her ideal mate.

Truthfully, I’m not mad at Maria’s, or any other woman’s, refusal to settle for less than what she’s worth, but the idea that you can put love on a timetable is a bit hard for me to grasp. You just can’t rush your happily ever after. If that were the case, we’d all just pick our beau and pencil in the nuptials at birth. If only it were that easy.

When and if I get married I want it to be forever, ever. At the same time I know in order for that to work I need to make sure that my Mrs. Naked With Stockings On is the right one. That’s why I want to have a relatively long courtship and engagement, and I want to be married for at least a year-and-a-half before my wife and I have kids. Now when I say a long courtship/engagement I don’t mean stringing a woman along for years waiting for me to make a decision. Nah, it’s just that I want to make sure that my wife and I have worked out most of the nuances of married life first. That way when we’re ready to start our family it’ll be built on a strong foundation of love and understanding. Because dating someone is way different than being engaged to them, just like that’s way different than being married to them. Furthermore, it’s tough juggling parenthood and marriage right off the bat. In my humble opinion, that just doesn’t provide much time for you to get a grip on either.

Like I said, that’s my plan, but plans don’t always go as expected. I’ve always said that I want/wanted to have a kid by 35. But with my 32nd birthday just two months away and no prospective fiancées in the picture, I’m not sure how well that part of the plan will hold up, but we’ll see. Because like I always tell Maria, shit’ll happen when it’s supposed to.

Now as much as Maria or I plan for the happily ever after, there’s no way to skip over the bumpy parts and fast-forward to the end. You have to ride things out and see how the story develops. Maybe some folks can find “the one” and fall in love in three months, but more than likely that’ll just lead to divorce court. Sorry, I just don’t want that for my marriage or my future kids. I’m sure Maria doesn’t want that either, but her endless mission to be married just reeks of desperation and the last thing a real man wants is a desperate woman. It’s just not becoming. 

My overall point, though, is this: Based on experience, everything happens when it’s supposed to-especially love. We can plot and plan, and wind up rushing into something that we think is right but haven’t fully researched. Let’s say Maria finally finds a guy that is ready to get married after a three-month courtship. He has good credit, a stable job, treats her well, the sex is amazing and has a bunch of other good qualities she and other women find ideal in a mate. But in that same three-month span, did she take the time out to meet his parents, know what it’s like to actually live with that man, or talk about what religion he feels the kids should follow?

Hopefully such things would’ve come up in discussion before any engagement proposal was accepted, but three months is a short amount of time to learn enough about a person for me to commit to them for the rest of my life. I’m not saying that it’s not possible, because I truly believe that you will know in your heart when you’ve finally met “the one,” but speed dating doesn’t seem like the most effective way to find your soul mate. Through trial and countless errors I’ve learned that you don’t always get what you want when you want it-just ask any disappointed kid on Christmas-but the best things in life come when you least expect it. Like I said in the beginning, love is a journey, so just enjoy the ride, bumps and all, until you reach your final destination.

What’s your take on Maria’s approach to dating? Should a woman cut men off based on a timetable because he isn’t ready for marriage? Can you fall in love with someone in just three months? Is there even such a thing as “the one” for everybody?

Speak your piece…

This story is filed under: Lifestyle, Naked With Socks On