A Book Tour, a Moose, and Some Hot Air

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Okay. Here we go. Won over the audience with the joke about my ankle and the crutches. (“I fell—I wasn’t pushed.”) Time to wear the mask and represent serious journalism, women, and The Race.

IFILL: Good evening from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri. I’m Gwen Ifill of “The NewsHour” and “Washington Week” on PBS. Welcome to the first and the only 2008 vice presidential debate between the Republican nominee, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska, and the Democratic nominee, Joe Biden of Delaware…….

PALIN: Nice to meet you.
BIDEN: It’s a pleasure.
PALIN: Hey, can I call you Joe?

“Hey, can I call you Joe?” Is she kidding?

IFILL: Welcome to you both.

Okay, now the fun begins. Gotta be on point, as always. No room ever for a serious mistake…..

As we have determined by a coin toss, the first question will go to Sen. Biden, with a 90-second follow-up from Gov. Palin.   The House of Representatives this week passed a bill, a big bailout bill — or didn’t pass it, I should say. The Senate decided to pass it, and the House is wrestling with it still tonight.  As America watches these things happen on Capitol Hill, Sen. Biden, was this the worst of Washington or the best of Washington that we saw play out?

BIDEN: Let me begin by thanking you, Gwen, for hosting this.
And, Governor, it’s a pleasure to meet you, and it’s a pleasure to be with you.  I think it’s neither the best or worst of Washington, but it’s…….

Well, there he goes. Biden’ll easily take up 10 minutes now. Gotta pay attention.

IFILL: Thank you, Senator. Senator Windbag.  Gov. Palin?

PALIN: Thank you, Gwen. And I thank the commission, also. I appreciate this privilege of being able to be here and speak with Americans.  You know, I think a good barometer here, as we try to figure out has this been a good time or a bad time in America’s economy, is go to a kid’s soccer game on Saturday, and turn to any parent there on the sideline and ask them, “How are you feeling about the economy?”

Who is this chick, and what’s with this small-town shtick? Am I moderating a live episode of “A Prairie Home Companion?”  Don’t doze off….Don’t. Doze. Off. Waitaminute: Did Palin just say “Darn right?” Paging Andy Griffith!  Now how did that whistle go again…..?

PALIN: One thing that Americans do at this time, also, though, is let’s commit ourselves just every day American people, Joe Six Pack, hockey moms across the nation, I think we need to band together and say never again. Never will we be exploited and taken advantage of again by those who are managing our money and loaning us these dollars. We need to make sure that we demand from the federal government strict oversight of those entities in charge of our investments and our savings and we need also to not get ourselves in debt. Let’s do what our parents told us before we probably even got that first credit card. Don’t live outside of our means. We need to make sure that as individuals we’re taking personal responsibility through all of this. It’s not the American peoples fault that the economy is hurting like it is, but we have an opportunity to learn a heck of a lot of good lessons through this and say never again will we be taken advantage of.

Ooo-kay…..Although I feel like pulling out my banjo every time she speaks,, Palin does seem to be a little more than a “Saturday Night Live” skit. Hmm…….Waitaminute…..

PALIN: …..And I want to let you know what I did as a mayor and as a governor. And I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I’m going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also.

WHAT did she say? WHO does she think she is? Don’t make me take off these earrings! I can’t believe I’ve been attacked by these folks just because I wrote a book that features, among other Black politicians, Senator Obama. Mama was right: you have to be better than them in EVERY way.

IFILL: So, Governor, as vice president, there’s nothing that you have promised as a candidate that you would — that you wouldn’t take off the table because of this financial crisis we’re in?

PALIN: There is not. And how long have I been at this, like five weeks? So there hasn’t been a whole lot that I’ve promised, except to do what is right for the American people, put government back on the side of the American people, stop the greed and corruption on Wall Street.

And the rescue plan has got to include that massive oversight that Americans are expecting and deserving. And I don’t believe that John McCain has made any promise that he would not be able to keep, either.

Waitaminute: Is she….WINKING? What the fuck is this, “Bewitched?” Hmm….If she’s Samantha, then does that make Biden the Dick York Darren or the Dick Sergeant Darren? Actually, maybe McCain is Darren, and Biden is that big blowhard Larry…. Whoa, WAY too much TV Land.  Hmmm….This “I’m only going to answer what I want” strategy is working for Palin Guess I’ll have to play along. I liked how she doesn’t believe in global warming but said she didn’t want to argue about it. Nice move. Now through foreign policy……

IFILL: Has this administration’s policy been an abject failure, as the senator says, Governor?

PALIN: No, I do not believe that it has been…… No, in fact, when we talk about the Bush administration, there’s a time, too, when Americans are going to say, “Enough is enough with your ticket,” on constantly looking backwards, and pointing fingers, and doing the blame game.
Of course, one person’s “looking backwards” is another person’s present-day bullshit…..

IFILL: Just looking backwards, Senator?

BIDEN: Look, past is prologue, Gwen. The issue is, how different is John McCain’s policy going to be than George Bush’s? I haven’t heard anything yet.  I haven’t heard how his policy is going to be different on Iran than George Bush’s. I haven’t heard how his policy is going to be different with Israel than George Bush’s. I haven’t heard how his policy in Afghanistan is going to be different than George Bush’s. I haven’t heard how his policy in Pakistan is going to be different than George Bush’s.
It may be. But so far, it is the same as George Bush’s. And you know where that policy has taken us…..

Hmm….Biden’s winning, but it doesn’t seem to matter.

IFILL:  Probably the biggest cliché about the vice-presidency is that it’s a heartbeat away. Everybody’s waiting to see what would happen if the worst happened. How would — you disagree on some things from your principles, you disagree on drilling in Alaska, the National Wildlife Refuge, you disagree on the surveillance law, at least you have in the past. How would a Biden administration be different from an Obama administration if that were to happen.

BIDEN: God forbid that would ever happen, it would be a national tragedy of historic proportions if it were to happen.

I still wonder if Obama will get shot at at some point—either during the campaign, or, if he becomes president…..Uh, wait, now they’re both taking about how “down to earth” they both are. Must try not to laugh……

BIDEN: ………Look, the people in my neighborhood, they get it. They get it. They know they’ve been getting the short end of the stick. So walk with me in my neighborhood, go back to my old neighborhood in Claymont, an old steel town or go up to Scranton with me. These people know the middle class has gotten the short end. The wealthy have done very well. Corporate America has been rewarded. It’s time we change it. Barack Obama will change it.

IFILL: Governor?

PALIN: Say it ain’t so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again.

Wow. A classic Reagan debate line re-imagined into Sinatra homage! Or was that Simon and Garfunkel?
You preferenced your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let’s look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. “Doggone it?” (CHUCKLE)

You mentioned education and I’m glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and God bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right? I say, too, with education, America needs to be putting a lot more focus on that and our schools have got to be really ramped up in terms of the funding that they are deserving. Teachers needed to be paid more. I come from a house full of school teachers. My grandma was, my dad who is in the audience today, he’s a schoolteacher, had been for many years. My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher of the year, and here’s a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate……..

Note To Self: NEVER  use “shout-out” again.

IFILL: Everybody gets extra credit tonight. We’re going to move on to the next question. Governor, you said in July that someone would have to explain to you exactly what it is the vice president does every day. You, senator, said you would not be vice president under any circumstances. Now maybe this was just what was going on at the time. But tell us now, looking forward, what it is you think the vice presidency is worth now.

PALIN: In my comment there, it was a lame attempt at a joke and yours was a lame attempt at a joke, too, I guess, because nobody got it…….

Ooooooooo…Nice!

IFILL: Governor, you mentioned a moment ago the constitution might give the vice president more power than it has in the past. Do you believe as Vice President Cheney does, that the Executive Branch does not hold complete sway over the office of the vice presidency, that it is also a member of the Legislative Branch?

PALIN: Well, our founding fathers were very wise there in allowing the Constitution much flexibility there in the office of the vice president.

They did?

And we will do what is best for the American people in tapping into that position and ushering in an agenda that is supportive and cooperative with the president’s agenda in that position. Yeah, so I do agree with him that we have a lot of flexibility in there, and we’ll do what we have to do to administer very appropriately the plans that are needed for this nation. And it is my executive experience that is partly to be attributed to my pick as V.P. with McCain, not only as a governor, but earlier on as a mayor, as an oil and gas regulator, as a business owner. It is those years of experience on an executive level that will be put to good use in the White House also.

IFILL: Vice President Cheney’s interpretation of the vice presidency?

BIDEN: Vice President Cheney has been the most dangerous vice president we’ve had probably in American history. The idea he doesn’t realize that Article I of the Constitution defines the role of the vice president of the United States, that’s the Executive Branch. He works in the Executive Branch. He should understand that. Everyone should understand that.
And the primary role of the vice president of the United States of America is to support the president of the United States of America, give that president his or her best judgment when sought, and as vice president, to preside over the Senate, only in a time when in fact there’s a tie vote. The Constitution is explicit.  The only authority the vice president has from the legislative standpoint is the vote, only when there is a tie vote. He has no authority relative to the Congress. The idea he’s part of the Legislative Branch is a bizarre notion invented by Cheney to aggrandize the power of a unitary executive and look where it has gotten us. It has been very dangerous…….

Okay. This is going well. But if Palin mentions “maverick” one more time, I’m tossing one of my crutches at her, Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity be damned. Talk about branding! I’ve lost count of the times she’s mentioned McCain and that damn M-word. She’s GOOD. She could teach CNN and my old boss, NBC, a thing or two. Ulp, Blowhard’s turn again.

IFILL: Senator…

BIDEN: I’ll be very brief. Can I respond to that?  Look, the maverick — let’s talk about the maverick John McCain is. And, again, I love him. He’s been a maverick on some issues, but he has been no maverick on the things that matter to people’s lives.  He voted four out of five times for George Bush’s budget, which put us a half a trillion dollars in debt this year and over $3 trillion in debt since he’s got there.  He has not been a maverick in providing health care for people. He has voted against — he voted including another 3.6 million children in coverage of the existing health care plan, when he voted in the United States Senate.  He’s not been a maverick when it comes to education. He has not supported tax cuts and significant changes for people being able to send their kids to college.
He’s not been a maverick on the war. He’s not been a maverick on virtually anything that genuinely affects the things that people really talk about around their kitchen table.  Can we send — can we get Mom’s MRI? Can we send Mary back to school next semester? We can’t — we can’t make it. How are we going to heat the — heat the house this winter?…..  So maverick he is not on the important, critical issues that affect people at that kitchen table.

Good triple by Biden. But Palin’s playing tennis.

IFILL: Gov. Palin, you get the chance to make the first closing statement.

PALIN: Well, again, Gwen, I do want to thank you and the commission. This is such an honor for me.
And I appreciate, too, Sen. Biden, getting to meet you, finally, also, and getting to debate with you. And I would like more opportunity for this.  I like being able to answer these tough questions without the filter, even, of the mainstream media kind of telling viewers what they’ve just heard. I’d rather be able to just speak to the American people like we just did……..

Yeah, I can see why.

IFILL: Thank you, Governor. Sen. Biden.

BIDEN: Gwen, thank you for doing this, and the commission, and Governor, it really was a pleasure getting to meet you.  Look, folks, this is the most important election you’ve ever voted in your entire life…..

Blah, blah, blah. It’s not like one of them is ever going to say, “This election isn’t the most important one.” But he’s right this time. Oh, well, that’s a wrap.

IFILL: That ends tonight’s debate. We want to thank the folks here at Washington University in St. Louis, and the Commission on Presidential Debates…..Thank you, Gov. Palin and Sen. Biden. Good night, everybody.

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